.looking back.

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Originally uploaded by Chrissie White

i haven't posted just a photo in a while. this struck me.

i just want to be alone

so i can never hurt anyone.

Laughter

On days like this it's hard to realize I don't have all the time in the world. It practically monsooned today- I have never seen it rain that hard. Of course I had no hood or umbrella! haha. But I loved it and laughed at myself and all the other people struggling against the rain as it jarred us rather that its usual soft taps to let us know it's there.  

I was carrying a book bag so heavy it leaves red marks on my shoulder for at least a few hours and carrying a $100 book half under my leather jacket when a guy walking in my direction simply got close enough to me that I could share his umbrella and asked where I was going. His name was John. I wish he'd be my boyfriend. 

haha. just kidding. kind of. 

When I stopped being able to see despite the help of the umbrella, I decided to head back to my room and take a shower.  

When it comes right down to it and you are faced with something so strong and powerful like the ocean, like this storm, that could easily put you in danger of death, your previous commitments become unimportant. You wonder why they ever seemed to matter in the first place when compared to this huge world, this endless universe, this powerful God.  

I watched all the people struggle through the rain today, all of us thinking we had somewhere so important to go. It's at times like that when I let myself laugh at the sillyness of it all. That's when I feel completely safe, when I am entirely at the mercy of God. Because I know that I no longer have control, and I realize how little some things matter.  

Thank God for the monsoons.

random.

a file of recent thoughts on my desktop. enjoy

she's number 1 on everyone's list

"who to kill" or "who to kiss"

she's got a mask that looks like glass

she'll make her cry and make you laugh 

she seems so sincere and perfect

every man wants her, she's so worth it

so worth all the time that you're not worth

though you're doing your best to keep up with her

she's got nothin' on you babe

with your weird little quirks

she knows she's not that girl

and that's why she smirks

she's afraid that one day the boys will discover

the place in her heart is just for a lover

she's smart, it's true, but immature

she's close to you, but she's still unsure

sweetheart, it's okay, your a person too

don't let us discourage you

if yourself is who you want to be

then be that girl, for you and me

if she's not quite there yet,

you've got time i'd bet

just keep on learning and slowly you'll see

that being perfect is about being quirky.

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you say you feel so comfortable around me

well, everyone feels that way apparently

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no one is truly superficial

but some pretend to be

everyone's a person

no matter what you see

and we sell out our beliefs

to be who we want them to see

but if you'd open up your eyes

you'd see you are who they want you to be

everyone wants to meet someone else

just as imperfect as they are

everyone wants someone to be honest

so it's not so much of a risk

unless they are running from themselves

because they are too ugly on the inside

they don't want to see it

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i can't look into your eyes like that

you won't look back.