things i'm thinkin' tonight

i have a part of a heart for you
i'm savin it up for whatever you want to do

but i know it just isn't your style
to come when i want it the most
i know i'm not in your file
of girls you would give your utmost

at least we had our time,
but that time wasn't enough
it will never shine again
we're left with only rust
--------------------------------
and he's still here
laughing into your adoring eyes
still here at 4 am
enjoying the hoped for surprise
that maybe he doesn't really love his girlfriend back home
maybe he really wants you to call his own

but it never comes.
------------------------

God and hospis. ?

there's something about the exhileration of being messy. i see it in a movie and it makes me feel like i would want to be there; not because it's all cool on a movie screen, but because i know what it feels like to live carelessly, messily. i'm sure i don't know that feeling entirely, because i've only been messy to my standards.
the difference is, now i know what that feels like a little later. i also know that i'm in love with a God who has treated me better than i ever imagined anyone could treat such a messed up person. He treasures me, even when i mess up. He always wants me back. "how could i treat this dear One so ill, when He is ever so nigh?" And how could i treat myself carelessly, when i am His vessel? i'm His. my body and my actions are His.

also, how can hospis ask you to call in a timely manner right after your grandma dies?

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seems like everyone's an addict these days
guess i can add myself to the list
there's so much i'm fighting right now
or am i fighting?

let's rearrange.
to fight and win-
you put your whole self into the struggle.
when you do that,
is it really a struggle anymore?
or does your opponent just
give up??