Southern Bell (not for weak stomachs)

Southern Bell-Day
Originally uploaded by southern_crafts

a nameless woman in the South
walks in high heels and white gown
at home alone with her little boy
perfectly affectionate, playing with a toy
no questions, little to say
he kisses her goodnight every day

Daddy's taught the boy and Momma
to be just what they oughta
Daddy made his perfect family
with the boy he used to be

Creativity is normal, but she'll have to watch her step
Cuz Daddy doesn't like when Mom's ideas begin to hurt his rep

He's a stranger to Momma
though he knows her awful well
He doesn't understand the trauma
she wasn't made to be a "belle"

She looks around at the perfect life he made
He comes and uses all the kisses that he saved
but they were meant for the girl who saves more face
those kisses belong to her, with the grace

The little boy comes to show Momma his new train set
Daddy follows to show what good things money can get
Momma lays on the floor, sewing needle in one hand
the other one is drenched in blood
the boy says "Momma, are you dead?"

Can't someone please explain the "perfect life?"
It drives us mad, seeing that truth does not suffice
Don't close your eyes to the problems of the world
Stay strong, don't let yourself become unfurled

A mother is much more than a mother
as a friend is more than just a friend
people should always know they are people
and show the truth, though it may offend

without self-expression we are all dead
pretending perfection pushes our minds into red



(inspired by "A Sorrowful Woman," a short story by Gail Godwin)

Baby

Bear the Scars
Originally uploaded by steveleggat

he calls me his baby
a chill-
of fear or delight?
he holds me strong in his arms
i let myself fold into them
my mind fights them off
"run! run!"
"but i am just so cozy here..."

i awake
what?
where?
why?
- and that is the one that matters -
why

i spilled my heart in this letter to you

I miss you. I hope you are doing well, spiritually, mentally, and physically. They all work together in a way anyhow, I think. Never mind. I guess our spiritual and physical well-beings often combat each other. In fact, in times of physical weakness we are often forced into spiritual growth. And maybe that is something of my problem. 

I think I need to fast from kissing, holding hands, having any sort of romantic relationship. They are just so easy and fun to create if you know the formula, and the formula comes so naturally to me. I honestly care about so many- too much not to express it, so much that I express too much. I want him to know that he is special, or I want to know that I am not too broken for someone. I am addicted to expression, I think. It forces a type of growth, and yet can show a childish lack of self-control. Not an ill-willed purposeful wrong-doing, but a naivety. 

Sometimes I long to be as naive as I act. I long not to know pain, to not realize how foolish it is to give my heart to someone who will hurt me, someone who I will inevitably hurt. I cannot keep on acting so naive, though, for I know heartbreak better than most. My heart has been broken by others and ripped with every heart I myself have broken. 

I refuse to do this ever again. I will not hurt a child of God beyond repair. Of course God can repair that which is "beyond repair," and is in the process of repairing me again. But how do I show someone the truth of Christ without showing them the truest, most passionate love I know? For Christ's love is so much more. But that love is a love that protects and never pretends.

Never.

Pretends.

Protects at all costs. 

Pushes growth.

Unselfish.

Can I do this?

Adequacy (a freewrite that happens to look like poetry)

Inadequacies
Originally uploaded by static bob

You've seen the me that only God sees
The weaknesses even I overlooked
You've brought out the bad in me,
But I needed to know it was there.

I can't fix me
When I only see "en rose"
You can't fix you
When you do "nothing wrong"

A thought can be wrong
An action is mere showing of the inward truth
And self-control is sometimes not good enough

Change is the only answer
True, living change
Brought by the true, living God
Only submit yourself to His Words
And they will change you.

-------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I miss the days

When I knew not wrong from right

For I knew not wrong at all.

Just as innocent as I seemed,

Not seeing my immaturity or insecurities,

Growing slowly, slowly

Ah! But I needed the growth spurt that came

From being forced to see the ugly truth

Of who I am

I am beautiful of spirit in ways

But immature, still

And I suppose I always will be

In comparison to truth

For it is so incomprehensible to human reasoning

I believe

But so often,

I have yet to understand.

God is.

Trade Winds - Isla Mujeres, Mexico (Near Cancun)
Originally uploaded by PatrickSmithPhotography

He is not the water or the trees or the earth or wind, but He is like them in a way. They are gentle in nature, but they all can be mighty. Each of them can destroy. But they are beautiful. Maybe this is how God tries to show us His nature. But God is not these, He is more than all of them combined. He is the only one that can stop these mighty forces. Our God is glorious. The great "I AM."

-inspired by the movie/book, "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian"

lists and Christianity

so fa from home
Originally uploaded by nardell

late last night i was going through scriptures from a lesson i'd heard and making a list of characteristics from those scriptures to possibly become new years resolutions. for those of you who were at new years in OK, yes, i'm talking about allen's lesson. i started to worry: am i making Christianity into a mere grocery list of things to do? It is suppose to be growth, and i knew focussing on these things would help me grow.
lists are not all-encompassing, but that doesn't make them useless. for example, if you know me as a person, i am not defined entirely by the things i love (God, writing, music, purple, etc.), but they do help to define me. if you want to understand me you need to know much more than that, but you must know those things. i think that it's probably similar with God: lists of His likes and dislikes may not show you all of Him, but they are things you need to know, and they can help you to understand other traits of His.
also, in Christian living, though a list of things to work on will not make us Christians, we need those characteristics to help us grow as Christians.
i hope that makes sense, or at least makes you think.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!