to be cliche, but honest...

HaiQal
Originally uploaded by wazari

this is a freewrite, as is much of this blog. this one is worse. i'm a mess. i apologize. don't analyze it, please. just listen (read) if you want to.

i feel a hole in my heart already.
i'm happy for you
it's true
i think she will be better for you
but i miss you now
i miss you already
what we were
what we could have maybe been
now it cannot be

it's okay
i've just lost you,
that's all.
you will still be here,
i know,
but it will be so different.
different is not always bad,
but i'm scared
i miss you.

but no longer can i really tell you
no longer will you truly listen
or maybe you will?
i want you to be happy
i just do not want to have to miss the affection i have always seen in your eyes
i've never really known you without that look in your eyes when you see me
and i wonder who you will be
without it.

but thank the Lord that He is always here
and thank Him that i no longer have one more choice to make
because i'm not sure if i could have picked the best one.
i'm not really very good at that.

i know, i am still just a child. it will be alright. let us go on as siblings in Christ. i fear abandonment more than anything else, as a child would. more than that, i fear that all the love will fall from your eyes. all the love for me will be transferred. it will be gone. i hope that it is not the case. i believe that it will not be the case. i forget sometimes that i must trust my Father, like a child would. He will take care of me. i mustn't worry. and thankfully you still care for me, too... how wonderful (:

i just always want to be the best for everyone, to make all of your lives wonderful. but i just almost make the cut...