Your letters

Cara Lia... Andrea mio...
Originally uploaded by niandra

i found Your letters tonight:
a wake up call to things I've learned and forgotten because they are too painful to remember. i remember the times You speak of, when we thought of little besides being together, sharing life. There's so much i wish i could share with You now. There's so much more we could learn together. i am more and better now. But at the same time i'm so much less. Without You, my most adoring muse, i seem to have so little to say that matters. Or maybe You just aren't there to tell me how much it matters. All i want is to tell You of the new things i've learned, said, done, thought, loved, despised... All i want is to tell You everything, because i trust(ed?) You, but You refuse to listen to a single word. And to be incapable of being understood by something uncontrollable is almost unbearable. Why do i need to feel in control? i know that in reality God is in control. It's so hard to trust when the answer seems so wrong in some way. i know He (God) is trustworthy. i just don't think i will ever totally grasp it until my hope of Heaven is realized. God's letters give me that hope, and that comfort i need. He will love me forever. It will never grow dull or be taken away.